


Birthdays, Olympian Style

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-04 17:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10995351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By AmberA skit written for a fellow shipper's birthday - short, light and (hopefully) funny.





	Birthdays, Olympian Style

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the Xena characters are mine, and I don't own any shares of marshmallow manufacturers, real or fictional. 
> 
> Summary: A skit written for a fellow shipper's birthday - short, light and (hopefully) funny. 
> 
> Sex/Violence/Subtext: No violence or subtext and a reference to m/f sex. It's nothing serious though. There's the odd naughty word in there too. 
> 
> Rating: PG. 
> 
> Dedication: To Tango, of course - happy birthday. :-) (They're good for you, you know: the more you have, the longer you will live. It's a proven fact.)

ARES:   
    Xena, I can't believe we almost forgot Tango's birthday. People are going to start thinking I'm losing my memory in my old age.

XENA:   
    C'mon, Ares, you're a god. You're certainly old enough to have a bad memory. But--

ARES (interrupting):   
    HEY! Can we stop with the age jokes already? Considering just how old I am, my memory is doing surprisingly well.

XENA (smirking):   
    Then why were you so surprised when I mentioned Tango's birthday was this week, hmm? (Pause; Ares has no answer.) Anyway, as I was saying before I was so _rudely interrupted_... you're a god.

ARES:   
    I think we've had that established a while. So?

XENA:   
    So, you can send her something. What do people in the future get for birthday presents anyway?

ARES:   
    We could always ask our reincarnations. Then again, I doubt they're still speaking to us after that mix-up with the C. H. A. K. R. A. M. conference.

XENA (rolling eyes):   
    Can you believe people actually thought that crap was real? Those writers of that TV show were really smoking something that didn't agree with them that week - I'm amazed anyone was taken in by it.

ARES:   
    Even your dear bard worked out it wasn't real. I mean, I like to think I take a little more pride in my personal appearance than that. Did you see that hairstyle they had on the guy playing me? But as for birthday presents... hmm.

There is an exuberant _poof_ (inasmuch as a poof can be exuberant); the smoke clears to reveal Aphrodite.

APHRODITE:   
    Hey, guys - did I hear the words 'birthday present'?

ARES:   
    Maybe... why?

APHRODITE:   
     What do you mean, _why_? It's a little-known fact that I'm also the goddess of birthdays. So maybe I can help.

XENA:   
    There is no goddess of birthdays - you're making that up.

APHRODITE:   
    What do you mean? Of course there is... she's just not, uh... well, real. But she does exist!

ARES (to Xena; a bemused expression on his face):   
    Are you following this?

XENA (to Ares):   
    Not really.

APHRODITE:   
    You know, the mortals in the future came up with this idea about a fairy that would take all their children's teeth when they fell out and leave them money in their place, just so that parents could give their kids money. I can't see the point of it, myself, just throwing money away. I mean, how ridiculous can you get? Fairies would rather just keep the money - they're smart. They don't want grody old teeth. So, you see, there can quite easily be a goddess of birthdays. *smiles brightly as though this makes perfect sense* So there.

XENA:   
    Uh... yeah, sure. Aphrodite, did you say you'd been to the future?

APHRODITE:   
    Yeah, I have.

XENA:   
    What did they all give each other for birthdays?

APHRODITE:   
    It depends where you go. In a lot of countries they just make a cake and put candles on it.

ARES:   
    Do you think she'd go for that?

XENA:   
    I'm not sure.

APHRODITE:   
    Well, most people seem to like them, unless they're health-food nuts or something. (off Xena and Ares' confused looks) Don't worry about it, it's just a passing phase. Wait till they see these things in their local supermarket. (A bag of pink marshmallows appears in her hand, decorated with a large picture of Aphrodite)

XENA:   
    What... are they?

APHRODITE:   
I call them "Gooey Love" - what do you think?

ARES:   
    I think Tango would prefer a cake, actually.

APHRODITE:   
    Fine... tell her to buy some though. Toodles! (she disappears)

ARES:   
    Is it me, or does she seem crazier every time you see her?

XENA:   
    I don't think it's you.

ARES:   
    I'm still not convinced about this, but... we don't have any other options.

XENA:   
    Yeah, she'll stop writing fan fiction about us if we forget her birthday.

ARES:   
    *conjures up a beautiful cake with 23 glowing candles on* What do you think?

XENA:   
    It's lovely - send it to her.

ARES:   
    OK... *cake disappears and pops up a moment later in Sydney*

XENA (studying Ares):   
    You know, you'd be awfully good to have around if someone was feeling hungry. That didn't take any time to cook.

ARES:   
    Didn't that spell at the farm teach you - I don't do manual labour.

XENA:   
    That's the point, you didn't do anything and it worked great.

ARES:   
    Although, I suppose my cooking isn't bad compared to yours.

XENA (jokingly indignant):   
    What's that supposed to mean?

ARES:   
    Hey, hey, relax... I don't mind cooking breakfast the morning after... not if you don't mind not eating the night before.

XENA:   
    Well, then... we'll have to see in the morning then, won't we?

ARES:   
    Whether we're hungry?

XENA:   
    No... Whether you can remember how to cook breakfast

ARES:   
    Oh, that was low! We'll see just who can remember what in the morning.

They kiss, as we fade out.

THE END.

[Disclaimer: "Gooey Love" was not harmed by being rejected in favour of a birthday cake - look out for this exciting new product in stores soon!]

 


End file.
